I come from a middle class family in India who's currently living in a hostel for my med school. My father sends me around Rs 3000 monthly for my expenses excluding hostel fees. Yesterday I checked my transactions on the Google pay app which I use on daily basis since its very convenient and easy to use. I realized that I'm getting way too careless about spending money to the point that I was left with only Rs 300 for ten days of March. From today onwards I'm going to try my best to save as much money as possible but I also want to ask if there is any way that will help me from making so many transactions on the app?

Should be here Sunday, I’m pretty excited

Doesn’t seem like that big of a deal, but those conversations late at night were special to me. We remained friends and texted after she left, but she hasn’t texted me in 2 months. She doesn’t give a shit about me. The pictures are next.

As in, dissolved within the hour.

I've been having a pretty hard week of mental health; afraid to leave the house, lonely, poor coordination, horribly achy body, no concentration, existential dread, and self-loathing for getting nothing done.

This morning I ate breakfast and felt absolutely horrid. I decided to put a towel on the grass outside and lay with the dog for about 30 minutes while wasting time on the phone.

I feel normal again. I'm now sitting at the library and chunking through my work, replying to the texts I couldn't manage to touch this week, listening to ASMR for the good vibes, and feeling okay with life for now. Gonna head to the gym afterwards for some self-care jogging too. I've gotta do this more often.

Have a good weekend, everyone!

I feel so sad. It can’t be happening. Not after a year and a half. She adopted a cat which I loved, but it was her cat. I really miss this cat.

I love her. She said she loves me more as a brother and that she didn’t feel that we had chemistry like before… I feel devastated and I can’t function. I wish it would stop and that things would go back the way they were

I need emotional support right now…

I went on the Photofeeler site. I don’t know what I was thinking! I always thought my face was borderline okay. I know these people are Internet Strangers, but damn…out of 80 people I wasn’t expecting it to be mostly “No” and some “Somewhat.”

I’m aware this is my own fault. I’m hoping to shake this off and not let it ruin my weekend.

It's perfect

I'm 6'2, but because of my proportions, I look realy short when you don't have anything to compare me to

It's pretty nice :c

Here’s the story.

I have feelings for a co worker. I wish i didn’t because the logical side of me does not want to date within the workplace at all, but i have the feelings.

This person and I get along super well and i always find myself flirting with them. She seems to adore me as I can always make her laugh and she gravitates towards me, i don’t have to start interactions, she does. Every green light that says “hey i’m into you” is coming from her, the only problem is…

She is dating another person in the workplace and this started about a month ago, so it’s pretty new. I resent that person she is seeing. Even before I knew they were dating, I had zero respect for that person and underneath his supervisor position, i see a weak and insecure man. Now, i resent him even more. It just hurts.

I fully understand attraction is subjective, but i would like to share something that didn’t come from me. This came from my good friend who also knows about this and knows the girl pretty well. He says that this girl hasn’t fully unlocked her mental confidence yet, so when that guy gave her a little attention and said he liked her, she just jumped on(oh btw, before they started dating, she described that dude as “pervy and creepy”.)

So what Do i do with all this?

Part of me wants to take some distance. Back off, and limit all my interactions with her. Keep it dry and professional and maybe i’ll move on that way. Dating in the work place is bad, and isn’t a great idea

emotional side of me thinks i should keep talking to her

im very confused and conflicted right now.

TL;DR: my ex passed away and I do not know how to cope

I just recently got diagnosed with BPD. Looking back, it explains A LOT about my life. Not sure if it has anything to do with the feelings I’m having rn.

When I was in middle & high school, i was in absolute love with this guy. We dated on/off for several years (grades 6 to 12) but even when we weren’t together we were still extremely close friends. I know most “love” at that age isn’t really significant, but when I tell you this boy was my twin flame… we absolutely adored each other but we just never got the timing right. We kinda kept in touch after high school but when he would ask me to hangout, I would make an excuse to not go because I was scared of falling back into our patterns again. He asked so many times to see me and catch up but I always found a reason to not go. Mainly because I knew I still loved him and that really scared me. He finally gave up on getting me to see him and we lost touch about 5 years ago completely.

He passed away in a freak acccident a few months ago, and ever since I learned of his passing, I have been obsessed with the thought that I should’ve tried harder to be with him or at least keep some sort of connection with him. I’m feeling so guilty for not hanging out with him, not even getting to say one last goodbye. I’ve been obsessively reading through our messages, listening to old voicemails he left me, looking through old pictures of us. And I truly mean obsessively. Like, every single day for months. I feel like a piece of me is just gone. Even though I haven’t talked to him in years, I just can’t fathom that he’s not here anymore and that I will never get the chance to see or talk to him ever again. It is absolutely consuming me. I cannot stop crying and my heart is truly broken.

Is this my BPD kicking in? It all feels so wrong of me. To be so upset over this ex. I have a boyfriend now and I am absolutely in love with him. We have a very healthy relationship and I know I will marry this man. So why am I so obsessed with an ex? Let alone, someone who’s passed away? Was he my FP? Is it just the nostalgia? Idk. I’m so confused. I cannot stop thinking about him and I’m just so heartbroken and regretful over the fact that I never gave him another chance. But, on the other hand, I’d be so upset if my boyfriend was feeling this way about one of his exes. It feels wrong but I can’t stop crying and grieving over this.

Please keep any negative remarks to yourself. I am seriously struggling with this and I feel like the most awful person on the planet. I have not dealt with a lot of death in my life, so this is extremely difficult for me.

I’ve never mattered to anyone. I just don’t get it. No one else has to work hard to be accepted, valued, and appreciated. Everything I do is dismissed, disregarded unless I go out of my way to prove people wrong. I can’t be confident in conversation anymore because so many people never listen or care about what I have to say.

I’m done trying to prove people wrong. I’m tired of people looking at me like I’m worthless. I’m tired of being treated like I’m stupid. I just hate being alone. Luckily I have had teachers, mentors, and coaches who saw potential that I didn’t even know I had, but no one my age thinks I have value.

I’ve been struggling through a depressive episode the past few days, I don’t have anyone to go to, I have to wait a whole week and a half before my next therapy appointment, so I do these posts to get things off my chest.

These feelings are unbearable, what could make me look worthless? Whatever my problem is, I’ve had it my entire life.

I made a post a few months ago about my crazy meth-head cousin who stole from my disabled aunt and is now suing us over a fake injury, and there's been an update.

We got in contact with his lawyers - They're scummy cheap ambulance chasers - and I informed them about how he's a liar and a cheat, mentally ill drug addict, and one of the lawyers called me an asshole 🤣

Not very professional, the lawyer literally called me an asshole and hung up, he isn't taking my calls anymore.

I haven’t had a hug, a cuddle, anything for so long. I desperately crave physical affection and all of my relationships have been long distance.

A girl at the station today sat next to me and sat with her arm against mine for what felt like an eternity (in reality 5 minutes). Just the warmth of touching someone else was incredible.

I couldn’t think about anything else the whole time. Just the feeling of being touched.

Now I feel like a creep for getting off on a stranger brushing against me but it’s the best I can hope for right now.

Its fascinating. These folks take time out of their day to write a large essay and receive feedback about their situation, then get upset when they don't get the response they wanted.

Any time thousands of random people all agree you are an asshole maybe its time to reconsider. But no, I consistently see threads where these people are posting dozens of comments arguing with everyone who says YTA and getting hundreds of downvotes. If you aren't going to listen to anyone why did you post in the first place????? Lol

Idk why but I get some sort of perverse entertainment out of reading this stuff. Anyone else? Maybe I'm just bored

I was so young I’ve slept with around 7 people doesn’t sounds like a lot that’s not the problem though the problem is that they were all so much older than me I was only 14 when I lost it to like a 27 year old. I know I was taking advantage of and groomed even though I consented and wanted it.I just feel like I am undesirable now with guys my age or even looking In the mirror it’s just hard to cope I feel dirty asf even though I’m good looking I am just so embarrassed and ashamed which sucks because I am usually strong minded and have a high self esteem I feel rained though. like honestly fuck Grindr I don’t know what I was thinking I am manic asf though I think that has a lot to do with my erratic a$$ behavior. I’m 17 now gay male btw. Any advice or positive input?

I am going to die alone and it is all my own doing. I constantly think about the people I care about, but I make very little effort to reach out and maintain friendships. What am I to them? How close of friends do they think we are? Did I misjudge our level of friendship? "I don't want to bother them" , "Am I too much?", "They wouldn't care about what I have to say" I am the cause of my depression. I am my own misery. How self sufficient.

I suppose, in general terms, it's what most people want. But I'm talking about a specific flavor of this, the one that makes you feel all cozy and glowy inside. I often meet in imaginary worlds: from books, movies, games.

Take this beautiful train ride scene from Life is Strange prequel. I don't quite remember the context of it, but i remember the feelings it gave me. The overwhelming sense of calm, safety and wordless understanding of each other. An anxious anticipation of change washing over me, yet full of hope and confidence that this life jorney ahead of me would be full of compassion, intimate understanding and the deepest feeling of belonging and self-fulfillment.

https://i.postimg.cc/6q8RDy6c/train.jpg

I think Life is Strange (the original and BTS) was what made me really thoughtful and longing for this kind of life. The quirky self-expression, world painted in warn and cozy colors and a sense of compassionate companionship were a revelation about so many of my inner yearnings. Just thinking about it makes me all tender and fuzzy inside.

I more or less embraced these desires, and they seem to have started all the way when I watched My Little Pony. Big themes of this show were acceptance and mutual support in overcoming struggles, both internal and external. A romance with similar qualities fell onto my radar too, but honestly the inclusion of sex and "classic" family life plays little importance to me. I wanted to feel felt. Like somebody just gets me and we can safely share moments together. Any kind of "moments".

I also want to be at peace with who I am, and before that - to actually understand what I want to be. What really drives me? Of that, what will matter to others, in a positive way? Help, entertain them, or achieve something else?

And sometimes I just imagine how it would feel to dress all cutely, embrace and express and love myself. Say if I wanted to, how would I make this happen in today's world? I need to work and earn to live, but I also have personal aspirations and ambitions and how do I merge these two, not to mention this completely different intimate self-reflecting and free lifestyle?

I've been watching The Owl House and besides being extremely cute, the way it portrays relationships is so... healthy/natural and caring for each other. There are disputes, yes, but they are usually resolved, which makes it even more believable and... nice.

And I think all these things while... barely leave my home. I work, then I force myself to do the things I need (self-learning, day-to-day stuff), feel guilty for not doing any of my personal/side projects and then all... this? How the hell does reality factor into any of this? The tiredness, lack of time and rock-bottom self-esteem?.. The pressure of having to leave my country eventually (which I'm not really preparing to, but I sure as hell SHOULD and asap).

And the world around me is always so loud and self-centric and screaming that this specific way to think/feel/act is THE ONLY true way to do it! And then I need to go out there and deal with people and SELL myself to them so they would listen/pay attention, to force things out of myself because sometimes I just feel like lying in my bed or crawling on a wall. There is no compromise, no understanding, no empathy anywhere! HOW?!

And I myself am so fucked, I recently noticed that I'm having a mental breakdown once each week or two, preceded by an uncontrolled anger outburst for reasons more fitting of a toddler tantrum! I don't think I can even be there for others, which nullifies every single point I talked about so far! It's HARD to spend time with people I love/like: my brother, my friend, my other friend who I basically dumped, and cut off all communications with even though HE DID ME NO WRONG. It's draining for me to spend mental energy on others. It's probably fair I have no one to confide in, since I'll be only taking; never giving.

I kind of hoped writing this would ease the burden I feel. Not this time I guess.

As a college student it gets frustrating that I have to spend every last dollar in my bank account on groceries. To get healthy products I have to break the bank. I will go to Publix one week and the same product will be sold for less at Kroger the next week. I am tired of these big time grocery stores squeezing every dollar out of me and other college students.

i used to pretty heavily abuse drugs. i did so from age 17-20. drank a fair bit too, it just never felt as pressing as seeing myself wither away from the stimulants. i lived with my folks, we didn’t get along. i had the same shitty job for 4 years. no car, no desire to move out.

i became basically impossible to parent, and my parents were never built to be good parents in the first place. they (understandably) got sick of my shit, and i had to leave home. wandered around my city for several hours with no shoes on and hallucinated the entire time. 3 days of no sleep due to rampant drug abuse will do that to you.

a good friend i had recently reconnected with picked me up. i was supposed to stay for a weekend. it’s been an almost 3 year weekend.

we’re engaged now. i have had three different jobs. i am a manager at my current place of employment. i got my temps, i own a vehicle. i live in a nice apartment, with nice things. haven’t touched drugs in so long, i can’t even remember the last time i did.

the drinking seems like more of an issue now. in fact, i think it might kill me. i feel like a puppet on a string, performing the part of the happy guy who overcame a troubled past and found success.

i am mentally the most unwell i have ever been. i don’t leave the house or see anyone but my fiancé except for work. i don’t tell people what’s eating at me. i don’t post on social media, i hardly see my folks. i think what hurts the most, is knowing i want to die more than ever- and now i have finally earned the love and respect i used to beg for.

i changed everything about my life. i have worked so hard for seemingly no reason. all this work to end up feeling foreign to myself. i want to crawl out from under my own skin, but at least my parents are proud of me. i am well liked at work. i make good money. i don’t do drugs. this is what everybody fucking wanted, and all i can think about is how i loathe the stranger i have become.

This happens pretty rarely but still happens, I woke up this morning to my phone dead. I was confused since my phone was at 80% before I went to bed. So when I charge it and check my phone history I noticed I visited over 50 Verizon google tabs for some reason. I texted my gf GoodMorning at 3am. I called my best friend right after who happened to be awake and accept the call so I was with him for a good 30 min until the call somehow ended. He texted me right after saying “are you sleeping??? flushed face emoji). It’s not like this hasn’t happened before but I feel like it somehow got worse over time. I’ve never called before like that. And I know my siblings tell me stories of me sometimes talking in my sleep or standing in the middle of my bed and staring at them or waking up to noise only to mutter some words and go back to sleep. Now I’m not entirely freaking out but I’m a lil shook. I mean, what if my sleep walking self decides to go for a night stroll? I’m still waiting on the friends response as of this time but I’ll try to update everyone on anything else I seemed to do while asleep or in the call with my friend itself.

Edit: I checked and somehow I managed to bookmark a Verizon webpage on my phone. And I know that takes a little thought to click the correct buttons to accomplish. So I have no idea how my sleep walking self is doing this. Let alone texting and calling.